Every performance lasts the just moments, but its preparation – the whole eternity. Eternity not in a sense of long lasting rehearsals, but in the emotional state its process requires. An artist is constantly searching for inspiration, tries new things out, falls and stays up again in pursuit for the desired result.

Usually I do not face rigid difficulties when I create choreography, however, combining two absolutely different styles which have 30 years time gap turned out to be complicated. Although it seemed I realized the concepts of the both styles, I was nevertheless lost and felt kind of ‘panic’ every three times I came to the studio on my own. Essential and not easy it was to keep myself in the framework of the assignment and not to follow the call of my soul and imagination. I must confess it was a real challenge.

I could not keep all the ideas in my head, as soon as I focused on one movement immediately, a new one came up to my mind. Finally, I started writing down step by step, mentioning all the repeating and creating the associations for the unknown choreographic terms I imagined. It took me lots of practices until I outlined the best positions for me to move and to stop in the hall in relation to the audience. Important for me it was also to feel my role and to send its deepness to the audience in the abstractive way. My costume brought me a lot of worries, as the dress was too long and often got stuck in my feet and my shawl felt down from my head. Moreover, the ‘nighty’ always opened earlier, showing up the dress which was supposed to be uncovered during the mood transition of my character.

And then the moment came. The moment of getting on the stage, feeling the adrenalin coming up to all the cells of the body, having sharp sensation of being observed, stared and judged from this exact second. I felt fear inside because of the suddenly forgotten movements and tried recovering quickly because “people are waiting, you need to start now”. It is often about getting lost in time, feeling the pressure, energy, strength at once. It is about not knowing what I am doing, what is next and how long a pause should last but letting the body still do it heaven knows how. It’s about the moment which is worth living.